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Fleshly Pleasures: The 'net as YentaBy Tom GellerIn the back of a green filing cabinet, third drawer down, is a stack of fanfold computer paper about two inches thick. Across the front of it is the date it was printed: January 17, 1987. Above that, a cryptic account ID in larger letters: STG8384. It's a package of correspondence, one letter per page, from my first few months away from home. I am STG8384, and that package tangibly represents the most valuable benefit I took away from that year at Oberlin College: my development as a social and sexual creature, facilitated by electronic mail. I remember that lonely first year, spending twenty or more hours per week in the computing center. I didn't feel able to meet anyone face to face: I had no ready-made community as a background in which to be social, and getting to know others "a la carte" was too intimidating. But through mailing lists and primitive VMS-based bulletin boards, I got used to seeing the same account IDs over and over again. Eventually I learned that SJB0274 was the gregarious but vulnerable Jodi from Chicago, SSG8776 was Stephen with the fine baritone singing voice, SJB5983 was a thoughtful Christian named John with a love for philosophical discussions. And finally, yes, I got to trust and like some of them well enough to explore feelings about sex and love. Oberlin was only one place where electronic mail and chat has helped me to meet people, whether sexually or just as friends. It has been my way into societies around the world where I would otherwise have no entry. In Cincinnati, late-night sessions on a 300-baud modem introduced me to international chat and local bulletin board systems (BBSes). Visiting the San Francisco area for the first time, a BBS was my guide to a community of fat people and those who (like me) prefer them. In a Dutch city foreign to me, I was invited to a party as the result of logging into yet another BBS, Paisley Park. And since I still like to travel, national online services, the World-Wide Web, IRC and Usenet newsgroups continue to act as my yenta when I go out looking for dates. It's hard for me to write about sex on the 'net without discussing other kinds of connections I've made through it. When I regard the memory-mosaic of people I've met via online media, the importance of a given experience doesn't entirely depend on whether we had sex. I've learned to better enjoy a range of relationships as they are -- àa la carte -- and have taken advantage of the extensive menu provided by the online world.
This page was last updated on Monday, February 09, 2004 at 3:06pm CST. All contents copyright 2005 by Tom Geller.
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