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John Poultney for Apple CEO! Contact: John Poultney john_poultney@zd.com JOHN POULTNEY ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR APPLE CEO POSITION Geller's bid "laugahable," says gadfly, insurgent Responding to a recent announcement from independent Macintosh consultant Tom Geller in which the former MacWEEK editor proclaimed his availability for the now-vacant CEO seat at Apple Computer Inc., MacWEEK staffer John Poultney has "thrown his hat into the ring" of candidates for the top job at the beleaguered Cupertino computer maker. "One time I took apart my Mac SE, put in a 2400-baud internal modem and put it back together in only about two hours," said Poultney, lounging in a drainage ditch near Golden Gate Park. "And I've also successfully added RAM to my Duo." Asked about the significance of such endeavors, Poultney hinted that such hands-on experiences place him in the class of an "everyman" -- one that knows the frustrations and needs of Mac users in the trenches of corporate and domestic America. Poultney offered up a smattering of changes he would make from the helm: Make the model number of each Mac the list price. Hence an 8360, for example, would cost $8,360, and a PowerBook 2400 would cost $2,400. Launch "TaMACguchi" line of virtual pets running Rhapsody. These pets would include a "Yellow Box" to provide compatibility with Pets running Windows NT, Solaris, Linux and CP/M. Host weekly "Buy the customers a drink" sessions at the Cupertino Peppermill restaurant, located just a stones throw from the company's R&D campus, during which all customers attending would be entitled to one serving of the beverage of their choice. "I think such tactics would do wonders towards restoring customer loyalty," he said. Poultney recommends the Rusty Nail as "a good starter drink." Start upgrade program for user manuals. Industry watcher Pepe Roni, reached at the Tube Bar in New Jersey, said, "The guy's a bum." This page was last updated on Monday, February 09, 2004 at 2:50pm CST. All contents copyright 2005 by Tom Geller.